Narcissistic Abuse and antagonism

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Narcissistic abuse is often described as death by a thousand cuts. It slowly erodes your sense of self, your confidence, and your ability to trust your own reality. Over time, your mental health can suffer deeply. You may find yourself feeling confused, ashamed, exhausted, or completely disconnected from the person you used to be. And yet, it’s hard to explain, to others, or even to yourself, what’s really happening.

Maybe you're fighting with the narcissist more often than not. Maybe they act like nothing happened after saying or doing something hurtful. Maybe you’ve spent hours crafting the perfect way to say something so they’ll finally understand, but nothing ever changes.

You’ve likely been lied to, manipulated, betrayed, or gaslighted, only to have it denied, minimized, or turned around on you. You might be wondering:

• Am I the narcissist?
• Why does this feel so hard?
• Why can’t I just leave?

You may feel stuck between two realities: just enough good days to keep you hopeful, and just enough terrible ones to leave you lost, angry, and doubting yourself. Maybe others have told you to just go no contact, or criticized you for staying. But the truth is, it’s not always that simple. These relationships are often deeply entangled and emotionally complex.

I support clients both during and after narcissistic relationships, offering trauma informed therapy for narcissistic abuse recovery. Because the damage doesn’t always end when the relationship does.

Post separation abuse is real, and in some cases, it can go on for years, wreaking havoc on your mental health long after contact has ended. I understand how painful and destabilizing this can be, and I’m here to help you process the impact, reconnect with yourself, and begin to heal.

I have specialized training in narcissistic abuse recovery and am a Certified Narcissistic Abuse Treatment Clinician (NATC) through Dr. Ramani Durvasula’s training program. I’d be honored to help you navigate high conflict, relational stress, antagonistic relationships, and I know how crucial it is to work with someone who truly gets it.

Without that understanding, therapy can unintentionally retraumatize, especially if you’ve experienced couples counseling where both sides were treated as equal contributors. Narcissistic dynamics don’t respond to traditional conflict resolution strategies, and trying to apply them often feels like banging your head against a wall.

That’s why I do not offer couples counseling where one partner is suspected to be narcissistic. 

However, I do work with individuals in these relationships, and we can discuss the option of bringing your partner in as a guest if that would support your clarity or next steps.

My priority is you - your clarity, healing, and empowerment.

Many people come to therapy with a list, whether written or swirling in their mind, of behaviors and patterns they’ve noticed in someone difficult in their life. Often, there’s uncertainty about whether what they’re experiencing is valid or if it points to narcissistic traits or toxic dynamics. This uncertainty is very common.

To help, here is a detailed list of traits and behaviors frequently reported by clients or seen firsthand in people who display narcissistic, antagonistic, or emotionally harmful patterns.

Please note: Narcissism exists on a spectrum, with different types and severities. It is a pervasive pattern, not just a bad day or isolated incident. Most people with narcissistic traits show a cluster of these behaviors, not just one or two.

• Entitlement and belief that rules don’t apply to them
• Low, inconsistent, or fake empathy
• Manipulation and gaslighting (denying your reality)
• Arrogance and superiority
• Thin skinned about criticism but quick to criticize others
• Rigid, disagreeable, or maladaptive behavior
• Difficulty accepting “no”
• Deep selfishness
• Blaming others and refusing to admit fault
• Fake or no genuine apologies (“Sorry if you feel that way”)
• Walking on eggshells around them

• Constant need for validation and admiration
• Frequent lying or omitting truths
• Chronic control seeking
• Minimizing betrayals and mistakes
• Infidelity and blame shifting
• May jump from one sexual partner to the next (or has overlap)
• Inappropriate or obsessive social media behavior
• Secretive phone use and hidden activities
• Mismatched words and actions
• Smearing your reputation and turning others against you
• Creating family conflict and sibling rivalries
• Competitive and disparaging toward you and others
• Focus on your reactions instead of their behavior
• Great in front of others, but cruel behind closed doors
• Anger or silent treatment when you express feelings
• Laughing or smiling when you are upset
• Vindictiveness and pettiness
• Unrealistic expectations for you to forgive quickly
• Blame shifting and inability to hold conversations without conflict
• Extreme anger at differing opinions
• Making hurtful jokes and invalidating your feelings
• Charming and charismatic on the surface
• Litigious or threatening behavior
• Lack of accountability or learning from mistakes
• Isolation from friends and family
• Monitoring and controlling your movements and choices
• Sexual coercion or manipulation
• Disrespecting your social circle
• Ruining important events or making everything about themselves
• Neglectful or abusive toward you, your family, or pets
• Treating service workers disrespectfully or flirtatiously
• Ignoring or violating boundaries
• Focused on looks, money, popularity, or power
• Claiming to be “a good person” despite harmful actions
• Claiming to be highly empathetic despite harmful actions
• Using sob stories, often from childhood, to gain sympathy
• Immature or childish behavior
• Silent treatment and emotional withdrawal
• Grandiosity and empty promises
• May exploit your religious values to bully you into forgiveness
• May claim to be religious, spiritual, or mindful but not practice those values
• Cycling between idealizing and devaluing you
• Discards you quickly, but may hoover around when it suits them
• Repeatedly betrays you and/or others
• Exploitative and transactional relationships
• Holding grudges while expecting forgiveness
• Multiple sources of attention (“supply”)
• Attempts to remain in contact after breakups for control
• Lack of compassion for illness or hardship
• Central to conflicts while accusing you of causing them
• Labeling ex partners as “crazy” and blaming you
• Need to be right or have the last word
• Playing victim or hero roles
• Controlling finances or being financially irresponsible
• Rapid or stalled relationship progression
• Sudden changes after marriage or children
• Neglecting household responsibilities
• Impulse control issues and chaotic behavior
• Will accuse you of what they're doing
• Using guilt as manipulation
• Addiction issues (porn, sex, alcohol, drugs, social media, shopping, gaming, gambling)

          …and more.

If someone in your life shows a pattern or cluster of these narcissistic traits, please don’t try to handle it alone. Isolation can worsen your experience and may endanger your mental and emotional well being. It’s likely not all in your head, and it’s not your fault. Support is crucial, often imperative.

Please contact me today. I would be honored to help you navigate this complex and painful journey with non judgment, clarity, safety, and self respect at the center.